5-7-5 night

Last night was First Draft Poetry's Nuku Haiku Night. All Haiku. All new. Had a few written out that I was going to read, then I was asked to be in the Death Match so I had to write more.

Not very good with Haiku, and in a head to head best of five battle I was even worse as I lost 4-1. When you lose though, you want to be beaten by the best and I lost to Dan the Lawyer, who won the coveted crown. Always a fun night. Here's what I put together.


Submit your poems to
The Columbus Arts Festival
You have one week left

Thick hair on the soap
That we found in the bathtub
Is that yours, or mine?

Vladimir Putin
Half naked, killing a bear
Don’t molest children

The haiku battle
I look forward to the shit
Not cleaning it up

Delayed orgasm
Oh the waiting, the waiting
Like health care dot gov

Remember that time
We were all so pissed off at
Ani DiFranco?

What death really is
A totally accurate
Mayan calendar

Artisan condoms
Made from things around the house
Just like McGuyver

When Peyton Manning
yells Omaha, a Cleveland
Brown gets arrested

100 reasons
Why we’re dumbing down quickly
Buzzfeed can suck it

Your haiku is weak
Did you write it at your desk
The same way I did

I never win these
Three lines is so hard
Seventeen sylla-

Which castaway will
Die alone on the island?
Maryann? Ginger?

Every NFL
Player wants to see Denver
It’s reefer madness

There is a sex doll
That is made out of bacon
Hipster obsessions

An IPA beer
Whose spare gas fills bike tires
Hipster obsessions

I have lost enough
Of these to know for certain
I will lose again

But Jesus, what brave losers we are

Early this morning, Jack McCarthy died. I've written about him a few times, most notedly here. It's very sad, but not unexpected. His voice has been silenced, but his words and influence will remain. The subject header of this post is a line from one of Jack's poems. Rest in peace, Jack. And thank you.

Jack was a Haiku Master, winning the championship at IWPS in 2007. Tomorrow night I'll be taking part in a Haiku Death Match for Writers' Block First Draft. It's the Haiku Nuku January event. Starts at 8PM at Kafe Kerouac.

I have very little to say about Lance Armstrong, but can add a couple of pennies about the drama that is surrounding Mantei Te'o. It's very depressing when one goes to such a deep effort of creating a person online whose only purpose seem to be manipulative. A few years ago I was in a situation where Catfishing was created and people close to me were drawn into and manufacturing the craziness. It's not fun and potentially harmful. So if Te'o was sucked in and is a victim, he has my sympathy. However, I do think he was involved in the hoax based on his claims that he met the girl in person. It's a weird situation all around.

Post-election Haiku

A heart beat away
Joe Biden, Joe Biden, Joe -
One heart beat away

Do You Haiku?

Last night was the annual NuKu Haiku Head to Head Match at Writers' Block First Draft. I was asked to be in the event and began preparation weeks ago. Thinking in 5-7-5 and three lines. Writing Haiku on an almost daily basis and right up to minutes before the start.

The emcee was Taz Yamaguchi, a national Haiku Master, who ran the match with dignity and precision.

Open mic was very good last night and John Barnes knocked me out with a couple of short poems that had some thought provoking punch.

Taz also did a feature, with Colin Martin providing some great emphasis on his saxophone.

Now it was time for the match, and for the brackets to be filled. I drew a bout with Rose Smith. Advancing was going to be difficult, if not impossible.

I brought out some wack stuff, and somehow won in three straight. Stunned. Beyond. Belief.

In round two, I faced off against Alexis. She was more than prepared for me and took me out in four.

If you're going to be taken out, it's best to be taken out by the champion, which I was. Alexis took on Vernell in the finals and won. Amazing and well earned!

All the participants did great. Ara, Izetta, Hanif and Andy Anderson; who deserves this award for one of his Haiku.



Here is what I did last night, in order.

Kenny G. divorce
We can only conclude that
Sax is not enough

Your soul is bitter
Like a Gingrich ex-wife or
either of my two

Go down with your ship
Bad Italian sea captain
Chicken of the sea

Ok George Lucas
Do I have to see Red Tails?
Is Jar Jar in this?

Calista Gingrich
Are you completely frozen
below the waist, too?

Ice, rain, water, wind
snow, dust storm, hurricane, sleet
Shit my Haiku says

Ghosts are terrified
when Courtney Love has breakfast
without make up on

And here are three more I did not get to do.

Sad nativity
Balthazar brought the wrong myrrh
Forgot the receipt

Perry Huntsman Paul
Gingrich Santorum Romney
I miss Herman Cain

Failure writes itself
Sad Columbus Blue Jackets
Whoops, another goal

One more since he called me out last night.

Scott Woods is racist
When we ordered chicken wings
He took all the sauce

Oh Hell, a couple more

Scott Woods Guide to Love
Bedsheets, wrap her up tightly
Jar of Mrs. Dash

Fully loaded Glock
and fully loaded strippers
The Chet's Guide to Love

Thanks to Louise for putting this night together. Great evening!

Pow Pow

Tonight at Writers' Block Hanif Abdurraqib aka Two Gun McBride will be featuring.



Hanif's been running his own night at Travonna Cafe for some time now and it's a great opportunity to get even more familiar with his work, and his cardigans. Starts at eight at Kafe Kerouac.

Coming up next Friday, Writers' Block First Draft is underway. It's the NuKu Haiku Deathmatch featuring Taz Yamaguchi, national haiku master and filmographer with Colin Martin, saxophonist extraordinaire. Going to be a great night, I have been working on assembling some deadly haiku.