Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Two old COTA stories, not sure if I ever put them here.

Tonight on the 8 - from 2001

Before boarding the bus this evening a person who was herbally enhanced
accused me of being able to break a five for him. 'You've got to be able
break this five for me.'

Sorry, not my job in this universe to do so, I'm merely a vessel of
information. Not a vessel of finance.

I think the bus driver was able to get him change. 'Sweet!' came out of
his mouth. He looked like the slacker in the Dell commercials. You know,
'Mrs. Smith, I'll stop getting your kid high if you buy this Dell

The driver got him situated, the driver more or less made the kid sit
right behind him - to keep him away from the rest of us?

I couldn't really hear but he then got into an argument with the bus
driver, 'I pay your salary.' You just know that it's going downhill from

As the kid was getting off he kept telling the bus driver, 'If everyone
took weed, the world would be a better place.'

'Just get off the bus'

'If everyone took weed the world would be a better place.'

'Get of MY bus!'


A couple of the passengers yelled 'If you get off this bus the world
would be a better place.'

Kid got off the bus and yelled 'Weed! Weed! Weed!' at his reflection in
the windows as the bus continued on its route.

From 1999 - a brush with greatness

There was a commotion as the new passengers of the #2 bus were
getting on.

"Don't you recognize me?" A man yelled from outside the bus.

He got on and exclaimed to all the people on the bus. "Don't you know
who I am? I'M GOD!"

God sat behind the driver, preaching about how we should all
recognize and obey him.

"That God, he crazy." A rider mumbled.

A number of passengers challenged God.

"Don't antagonize him," the bus driver pleaded.

God spoke to all of us of the year 2000 and how all that would be
left would be he and Satan.

A couple of stops later God burst out of the bus, issuing us no

It turns out God got on the wrong bus.

How could someone as omnipotent as he do that?

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