Mutant Albino Crocodiles!

Tonight my wife and I headed to the Gateway Film Center for not just a film, but an event.

The last time I saw a film in 3-D, my wife was not even born. It was House of Wax, in a re-release. I remember putting on the paper frames with the colored lenses and really not being able to see a thing except a paddle ball flying at me in a blatant film making stunt.



It was not an enjoyable experience, the frames were awkward fitting over my own glasses, the film is not very good either.

I've been reading up on the current trend to make movies in 3-D and not hearing very good reviews of them from friends or reading decent reviews either.

What would it take to get me to plunk down my money, put a questionable pair of plastic frames over my glasses to attempt to see a 3-D movie?

Werner Herzog.

His new documentary, Cave of Forgotten Dreams, shows cave paintings in Southern France. Paintings that were discovered in 1994 and proven to be almost 30,000 years old. These are the oldest paintings, the oldest art, on the planet. It's a wonderful story that Herzog tells with his usual skill and narration.

The amazing thing is the 3-D projection inside the cave. You can practically feel the walls of it. The paintings are pristine, you can see the stalagmite crystals sparkle. The texture of the walls is spectacular. The glasses worked for me most of the time. There were a few moments of rapid camera movement that gave me pause, but these were seldom. I'm not sure if the film seemed darker with the lenses on, or how out of focus the film was because I had two pairs of frames on. All I can say is it did not really bother me

I do not know what people with normal vision got out of the experience, but I think ours were similar at worst. This was an impressive documentary in itself and the 3-D in the hands of Herzog presented the images remarkably. You feel like you're in the cave with them, that's how the depth of field felt.

I'm not sure I'd want to see Hobo with a Shotgun in 3-D, but if another film I was interested in came along, I would not be as fearful. This may not be the future of film making (and I hope it is not) but this is a good commercial to justify the process.

It's not a perfect film, the soundtrack swelled during moments the images should have been given silence and there is a bit of choral padding. Yet, this is essential viewing, enhanced by the technology. This is how 3-D should be used.

Here's the trailer.



Herzog also adds a postscript that is quite random and I really do not want to spoil it, but Ebert did. It's the subject line.

Get in the cave, and see it in 3-D!

Doctor, My Eyes

Went to the optometrist for the first time in three years yesterday. A long overdue visit. Being in front of a computer screen all day and too much of the night means eye strain has taken its toll on my vision.

Went to the same place that is giving my son therapy so I knew most of the people examining me.

I'm still reeling a bit after my optometrist said he could find no indication on my lenses that they were progressive no line bifocals. It took three optometrists to see that they, in fact, were, but very poorly made. Makes sense, since the bifocals really did not seem to make any difference in my vision. Not sure if I can go back and complain, since the place burned down a couple of years ago.

I really do not think I've had a decent prescription that sharpened my vision dramatically since the late eighties. I had an amazing pair of glasses in Fredonia which allowed me to see the prices on the shelves the whole length of the liquor store. Those were two inch high numbers. Best pair of lenses I've had in my 44.5 years of wearing glasses.

Unfortunately, they looked like this.



Ah the eighties. Yes, I've kept most of my old frames going back to high school!

Since then my prescriptions have not been quite right. I even had one company change the size of my frames without my permission. Nice job Tuckerman Optical. One of my former customers at the Holiday Wine Shop was an optometrist and he came close in the mid nineties, but not quite. He's dead now. Then there was the quirky but very cute girl at J.C. Penney at the old Northland Mall...

So I get to hand over my current glasses this afternoon as they'll get sent to the lab. I'm keeping my current frames as I like them and they have the wonderful clip on sunglasses. Should be a week of minor headaches and blurry vision using the last pair of frames. The new lenses should arrive by the middle of next week. They're high index, anti-glare, rolled and polished and the bifocals damn well better work as I'm paying a lot for these!