November 30 in 30, Day 6

Dear Bob

I’ve been listening to your new record.
You know, the one that was inspired by Mitch Miller,
Frankie Yankovic polkas and men dancing in fezzes
Can I ask you a question?
Why do you hate Christmas?
Saying it’s for charity does not diminish the fact
That your voice is completely shot
Not in the Tom Waits tone of polished gravel
But in a Wayne Newton should have given it up years ago way
I’m not suggesting you retire from recording, or give up touring
But to, find your niche
O’ Little Town of Bethle-phelgm is beneath you Bob
Put a bit more thought in the next one
Bag the lily white backup singers
Give the guy from Los Lobos better material to play
Take a few Fisherman’s Friend lozenges before hitting the mic
Because I think you got one more in you
If McCartney can do it, you can too!
But this holiday season, if you’re going to bring that thing you recorded as a gift,
you’re not invited over