The hard parental choices

The problems began in October. My son did not want to get dressed at his Mother's house to get ready for school. This escalated into a much bigger problem for her, and for him.

Being a non-verbal teenager has to be one frustrating way to go through life, it's really hard to watch and live with. His behavior changed due to, what? Hormones, another illness, something happening to him we do not know about because he cannot speak. In any case, he was not safe due to his self harming behaviors.

We did, eventually, get him to a doctor and she heard us and saw him at his best and worst. Blood was drawn (it took four people to hold him down and one to do the draw), and we found out his strep levels were elevated. From here we learned of a condition called PANDAS in which people display very aggressive and obsessive/compulsive behaviors when they have strep. He was given antibiotics in liquid form, and his behaviors did not really diminish much.

A return to the doctor resulted in us receiving a prescription for a rather powerful drug, which we give him in pill form. It's a fast dissolving tablet that he is allowing us to give to him with no real difficulty. He initially was supposed to get an X dose, but his mother and I suggested a lower dose to start, because we've never seen the effects of the drug. She agreed.

The drug tired him out, we think he slept more, some of the behaviors diminished but he's still not allowing his mother to dress him in the morning. Last week we went to the dose the doctor suggested and it's knocked him on his ass. It's really odd to see him so lethargic. I'm used to the noise out of him, and it's vanished. He's also not screaming, or doing the dangerous behaviors.

I have to accept this trade off, for now. It's difficult and sad to witness. I understand the drug takes time to take full effect. Oddly enough the drug's main side effect is weight gain, which is in the irony of life is desirable.

He's in there, and for whatever reasons he is not happy. I do not know what his being on this drug will help with his feelings, his anxieties. It's making him safe from his own hands though, and that going away has been worth the risk. I did not ask to have to make this choice, but I have to help protect him.

Snapshot of floor time

The Scene: A child's bedroom, after dinner.

The child and his father are seated on the floor. Father is opening a container of Legos. Child is ignoring his father as the old man is putting together pieces, spinning wheels, and looking for the right piece for a tire rim. Child sits on his father's lap, a rather heavy experience for the old man. Child takes all the Lego pieces, puts them back in the container, moves the container away from his father, then gets up, turns out the light and leaves his father sitting on the bedroom floor.

Fin.

The last week of the year

Hope you all had a fine holiday. Despite my car accident (no one was hurt) it was a very good one. My lovely wife spoiled the heck out of me. If you ever come to the Westgate Cavern you will find out why. The teenager is doing well, as long as he has his iPad to play Badfinger and the Rolling Stones' "Child of the Moon"

I, too, listened to some music this year. Here's what kept me going. Really, really liked the first two - so I'm calling it a tie for the year's best.

Algiers - The Underside of Power
Nicole Atkins - Goodnight Rhonda Lee
Alvvays - Antisocalites
Neil Finn - Out of Silence
Robyn Hitchcock - Robyn Hitchcock
Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - The Nashville Sound
Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings - Soul of a Woman
Little Steven - Soulfire
Lorde - Melodrama
Willie Phoenix and the Soul Underground - Garage Blues Band
St. Vincent - MASSEDUCTION
Harry Styles - Harry Styles
Tinariwen - Elwan
Waxahatchee - Out in the Storm

Next up, the movies watched list, and car buying.

The streets were full of slow moving cars

My son started school today and is technically in ninth grade. It's hard enough to let that try and sink in before realizing he will be fifteen in two weeks. He's growing taller, his feet are almost as big as mine and we're going out for new shoes this weekend.

The rest is still unknown.

Received a direct message a couple of days ago from a person who had never heard of Tom Lehrer before they came across my blog. The person was having a rough time of it recently and the discovery of his music really improved their mood. I was thanked profusely.

Glad that I could make a difference in a small, positive way. Something I thought about after a rough day in which I sat in traffic four about three and a half out of four hours straight then walked into a boisterous and loud restaurant when all I wanted was a tiny bit of peace and quiet. I plodded through, and my lovely wife did her best to improve my own stressed out ass.

Now if we all could try and make that much of a difference to better shit.

Was I surprised, yeah, was I surprised, no not at all

After my son's six year old iPad finally broke I replaced it. The music that was on the old one did not transfer over for whatever reasons so I ended up doing the selection all over again.

I know some of what he listens to, but most of it was a guess and, I admit, projection on my end. So, yes, I loaded his iTunes with what I would have liked to listen to in 1978.

Who can say what a non-verbal, fourteen year old kid with autism will play? He likes acoustic numbers, or acoustic guitars with jangly electric. Nothing really loud, heavy or punk. He likes watching the early Beatles material on DVD. Yes, this type is very familiar to me.

He's been playing Walking in the Rain by The Ronettes on repeat. I caught him listening to it a few weeks back and he had a very sad look on his face. All I said was, "Yes, that's a beautiful song." This morning's playlist was the opening bars of Badfinger's Come and Get It, the opening riff of Tom Petty's American Girl and Maryanne With the Shaky Hands by The Who.

The huge surprise is his love of Pretty Ballerina, the other hit by the Left Banke. He will play this one over and over. I put a fan made video on for him and he watched it. I even found a copy of the album AND the 45 and played it for him in the backroom, where he sat and patiently listened as he rocked himself back to front while looking at the album cover.

I do not know what's happening in his head, but I am honored that he likes some of the music I do. We are thrilled that he is listening to music that is more grown up. He also does not come up to me when I am playing guitar anymore, the times he stopped me from playing by putting his hand on the strings with a look that said, "Stop Dad." Maybe he likes my rendition of Eight Days A Week on the Rickenbacker?

Too many Princes are dying this year

When I was a teenager Ska made a little resurgence. I liked Madness and the Specials a lot then learned where they got their music from.

Prince Buster was a legend. He died today, aged 78.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZC6Ot1MLP0

Rest in Peace.

So i will walk without care, beat my snare, look like a man who means business

Been a shit couple of days, even without the Brexit. My Son is still not transitioning well between his caregiver and coming to my house afterwards. There's a lot of shrieking, hissing and general unhappiness and it takes him a long time to calm down. Even today he greeted my cheerful, "good morning!" with shrieking and pounding on his bed. I know I'm not the cool parent, but this does not inspire me.

While prepping his lunch, this song came on iPod shuffle.



My Aunt was on the one who got me onto Rufus, he was on Geffen and she sent me his first record. That was the first song I heard and I have been a fan even since. Even went to see him live at the Newport during a sad period of my life when I was single. Imogen Heap opened, and Jon Hopkins was in her band. Things do go full circle as Hopkins and King Creosote have come into my radar.

This was on my Aunt's wall, so this show of his that she saw meant a lot to her. She would not have framed it otherwise.



So even with the small blow to her planning that Brexit took yesterday, and with everything else happening, maybe she's trying to cheer me up a little. I'm still not sure what to believe anymore.

Parent of a teenager

My Son turns 13 today. So I hastily assembled a bunch of pictures and put them in a slideshow with Camera Obscura's "Teenager" as soundtrack. They favorited it on Twitter so it must be alright if it got band approval. Hope you enjoy it.