About three years ago Scott Woods wrote a poem. The circumstances behind the poem are not important. The title; "They Hate Your Poem." It's a very energetic poem, one that gets a strong reaction when he reads it. It's a riot. A certain twelve letter word involving an act with a mother is used frequently.
I love that poem. At the time I was going though some rather intense personal, life and internet drama - some things that happen when a marriage falls apart. There were sock puppets, fake people invented, threats with no teeth and all kinds of weird stuff was swirling all over the place. The term 'They Hate Your Blog' fell into my brain.
I never denied where this poem came from, it's a homage, tribute, deliberate theft. Scott wrote it first though, and better. I last did it at Arts Fest last year. It's fun to bring out once in a awhile. This is the sanitized version. You can guess the word.
They Hate Your Blog
Those two jerkwads hate your blog
They go all over town with their precious laptops
And on wireless connections in coffeehouses and music halls
They'll sit and talk to each other about how much they hate your blog
They'll start private blogs
That they only know about and post, only to each other
Just how much they hate your blog
They'll lock a journal post or screen comments
Because they want to hide from the world
Just how much they hate your blog
Those two jerkwads will comment anonymously on your blog
Or make up a sock puppet and comment to you in your blog
or one of your friend's blogs
Just how much they hate your blog
They'll talk to each other,
late at night on the telephone
While sitting at their computers
Texting on their Blackberrys
Talking about how much they hate your blog
While writing about how much they hate your blog
They'll make a post about how much
They hate your blog
Then delete it once they know you have read it
Because those two jerkwads have too much time on their hands
And those two jerkwads hate your blog
They'll list, as a user interest
"Hating your blog"
But they will not name you
Even though they know you know how much
They hate your blog
They'll even make up a screen name called
"I hate your blog"
Or start a Facebook group about how much they hate your blog
Just because they hate your blog
They hate your blog so much they've been making up captions
of those dumb ass LOLCATS
"I am watching U, H8ING YUR BLOGZ"
They'll even make up a screen name called
"I hate your blog"
Or start a meme about how much they hate your blog
Just because they hate your blog
Those two jerkwads don't just hate your blog
But your friends blogs
Your family's blogs
Your coworkers blogs
If your goldfish had a blog
They'd hate that too
Why?
Because those two jerkwads hate your blog
They even wrote a haiku
About how much they hate your blog
We are two jerkwads
We really, really, really
Hate your blog, a lot
Those two jerkwads can't even write a decent haiku
Because they're too busy hating your blog
Here's a blog post about the music you like
Hated it
Here's a blog post about your kid
Hated it
Here's a blog post about your job
Hated it
Here's a blog post about the Buckeyes
Hated it
Here's MY blog post about those two jerkwads
Who hate your blog
Never quite figured out how to end it, but the silence and walking off the stage is better than the word "Fail" which is becoming as overused as "My bad."
4 comments:
Me hates that blog.
Kidding.
This one? That one? Or the one over there?
Actually, this is the first poem Virgil and I ever heard you perform, and we hadn't heard Scott's version yet. Then when we did, we made the connection. Thanks for posting this. I think going silent and walking off the stage works to end this.
-Nicole
Nicole - What a scary way to be introduced to my work. At least it was not Spam Folder of Love ;)
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