Monday, May 13, 2013

The real in-flight announcement

We know you have other choices when you fly
but we don’t care
We know we suck
All airlines suck
Twenty five bucks to check in a bag and you fools fork it over
How else you going to get to your destination?
We know how soul sucking Pennsylvania highways are
You do not have trains.
We own the skies and your sorry asses when you have
to go on a vacation, on a business trip, to a funeral
So cram your butts in 28 inches of legroom,
enjoy the smells of the person next to you
Take pleasure in the crying baby because that kid
is doing what we know you want to be doing
for the entire flight
Only you do not have room to get in the fetal position
Want a bag of four honey roasted peanuts?
there used to be six,
but our CEO had to have a new wing added to his mansion
Get ready, start flapping your arms
because we’ve cut back on jet fuel
And you, one armed guy in 16c
Get out and pull
This plane has to get out of the gate,

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